My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
