so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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