Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
