Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
