they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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