She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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