You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
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