Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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