my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize