he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
