whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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