Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
