Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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