dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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