am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
