I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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