After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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