i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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