I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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