I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need to calm my uterus...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
