I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I want to have your abortion
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
