Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
