The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
