ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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