apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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