Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?