i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.