At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.