Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no, he came in my armpit
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?