Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick