My room smells like vodka and shame
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
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dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
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he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism