Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
