I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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