haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
