Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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