I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
