I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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