tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
