So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
