I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Fuck appropriateness.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
