Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
