Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
