We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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