I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
