If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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