I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
