I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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