Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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