mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
