JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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