K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
