My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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