Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I AM VODKA MAN
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
