Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
