cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
