We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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