sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
