And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
