So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
