I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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