she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
