i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
