is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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