Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
