my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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