either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy